


Lady Luck

by psyraah



Series: To the Stars [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Titanic AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyraah/pseuds/psyraah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chance.</p><p>It was mere chance that saved Kain’s life, fickle a thing as it was. Just a coincidence, that at that moment, in that place, Jean Havoc would wander into his life. It was only a brief, fleeting moment, but inexplicably, Kain finds he doesn’t want Jean to leave.</p><p>(The first meeting one)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lady Luck

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xyriath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyriath/gifts).



It was odd, in the strangest, most surreal of ways, that he would feel most alive at the brink of death.

He could just... _feel_ everything. The wind was biting, a chill on his skin as it tugged and pulled at his shirt, yanked at the collar that he'd loosened not five minutes ago with the violent pull of desperate fingers of a desperate heart that just wanted to _breathe_.

_Let go._

But the gesture had been helpless, and hopeless, as everything he had tried before: pleas, bargains, reason, _begging_. Now, here he was, his breath harsh in his throat, searing across his tongue. The weight in his chest heavy, heaving with the sobs he hadn't been able to contain, not tonight. His fingers were frozen numb by the bitter cold of the metal beneath them, and his cheek was _burning_.

And black. Deep, dark below him.

_Let go._

Well, not quite all black. Ripples of white from where the ship cut through the water danced alongside the darkness. The hum of motors—which Kain might've been curious about, had this not been the voyage calculated by too many scheming minds to lock him up for life—rumbled along.

_Let go._

_Let go._

It wouldn't take much. Five little fingers curled around metal that just had to be uncurled.

_Let go let go let go_

Now he just had to tip forward. Let gravity do the rest.

 _Let go let go let go_ —

“Don't do it.”

Kain whipped his head around at the voice, and his heart plummeted when the movement almost had him overbalancing, his hand darting out—

_No no no leave it—_

—to once more grab a hold of the metal, achingly cold beneath his fingers.

There was a man behind him, though Kain couldn’t quite see what he looked like—but his curiosity was immediately shut down when the man took a step forward, one hand reaching out and concern on his face.

“Don’t come any closer!” Kain shouted, though his voice shook, and he wondered how he even managed to draw the breath for the words with the weight in his chest.

The man stopped, and held his hands up, palms out, placating.

“I’ll stop right here, then. But I still don’t reckon you should do it.”

He was barely a few feet away from Kain now, and slowly, he tucked his hands into pockets and cocked his head to the side as he studied Kain. The lighting was too dark to properly make out any features, and the cap that sat on top of a mop of messy hair didn’t help either.

As though he had heard Kain’s thoughts, the man took his hat off, and ran one hand through his hair. Blonde, Kain now saw.

“What about you just come back over here, hey?” the man suggested, smiling warmly.

_Let go just—_

“Don’t try to stop me,” Kain said—almost begged. He was _so close_ , and he couldn’t—he couldn’t go back, he couldn’t do it. “Please, just leave me alone.”

The man sighed, and set his hat down, bending and straightening slowly. “Well, I guess I won’t stop you, but I _will_ have to save you.” He shrugged out of his jacket, and Kain blinked at the statement.

Wait Kain—he recognised that—the side of his face, that strong jaw, the scruffy hair. He’d seen this man. Had caught his eye on the deck that afternoon (had it only been that afternoon?) as he had wandered the boat, before he’d gone back to his rooms and his father, then dinner with horrid conversation and snide remarks, and—

_Rough hands grabbing him to shove him up against the wall_

_The strike of a hand across his cheek_

Irrelevant—that wasn’t what was important right now.

“What are you doing?” Kain asked when the man bent down to…untie his laces? “I—I told you, don’t try to stop me.”

“And I said that I’m not gonna,” the man replied easily, toeing off one shoe. “Though I gotta say, kid, I ain’t lookin’ forward to jumpin’ in after you.”

What?

“Jump in?”

“It’s not like I can just let you go over,” the man said, kicking off his other shoe.

Kain gaped. Was this man mad? “Are you mad?” he asked, just to check. “You'll die too.”

“Nah, that won't happen,” the man said breezily, smile swift and bright. “Grew up ‘round water; I can swim just fine. But it _will_ be freezing,” the man continued, making a face and sounding _very_ unimpressed. “Like I said, not lookin' forward to it.”

God, Kain just needed him to leave. “Then just go away, _please_.”

“I can't just walk away knowing what you're gonna do, can I now? If you go over, I’m damn well comin’ with you.”

Kain was torn. His eyes flickered back to the black abyss below, and then his mind flashed back to that afternoon, the accusations of being ungrateful, _unnatural_.

_It’s a disgusting lifestyle, don’t you think?_

“Please,” he said hoarsely—though whether it was for the man to give up or to save him, even Kain didn't know.

“C’mon kid, you don't wanna do this,” the man said softly. Kain looked back up, and the man was right in front of him, hand outstretched, a gentle smile on his face. Looking at him as though he _mattered_ , for the first time in…years, since someone hadn't looked at him with disgust.

But he didn’t know yet. Once he did...

Couldn't Kain pretend, just for now, that this stranger actually though he was worth something?

“C’mon,” the man repeated, gesturing with his hand. “You don’t wanna do it. Whatever it is, you can work it out.”

Still Kain hesitated. “I—I _can’t_ fix this,” he whispered.

“Sure you can,” the man said easily. “I’ll help you out.”

“No—you don’t understand, it’s not something that can be _changed_ , I can’t fix it, it’s not _possible_.” He was babbling now, but it just needed to get _out_. Couldn’t he _see_ that it was futile?

“It’s all right, kid, just grab my hand.” The man’s voice was soft, friendly. Like he _cared_. “Grab on, I’ll help you back over.”

Kain stilled, drew a shuddering breath.

Looked the man in the eye. Saw the _warmth_ there.

“C’mon.” The call came softly once more.

“Let me help you back over.”

 _…let go_.

Shaking, hesitant, Kain took his hand.

The man broke into a grin, and for the briefest second, it made Kain think that maybe everything could be all right.

“There we go,” the man said, his grip firm on Kain’s hand. “Let’s get you back over here.”

Kain tried a small smile of his own, and he shifted so that he could lift his foot to get back to the rail, but then his other foot—

—slipped—

—Kain’s heart plummeted as gravity took hold, and a jolt went up his arm when he stopped short, the man’s grip now harsh around his arm.

“Oh my god!”

“I’ve got you,” the man said through gritted teeth, now himself leaning dangerously over the rail, and panic was now spreading like wildfire, electricity through Kain as he dangled.

“Help! I can’t—”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” the man repeated. “I won’t let go—just hang on!”

The wind was tugging at Kain’s shirt, and he flung his arm upwards in desperation, trying to find something to cling to. But the sudden movement had his glasses slipping, and they he felt them sliding from his nose, bump off his chest, and fall away into the night.

He didn’t even hear the splash.

“I won’t let go,” came the voice above him again, cutting through his panic, and then another hand wrapped around his arm. The man heaved, hauling Kain up, Kain desperately reaching out for the rail, fingers wrapping around it tightly as soon as it came within reach. Then there was a strong arm wrapping around his chest, around his shoulders, and next Kain knew, he was toppling over the railing to crash to the ground in a heap.

His knee sang with pain from where it had rammed against the ground, and his trousers felt like they might have torn, but otherwise, the other man had mostly cushioned his fall. Propping himself up on one arm, Kain tried to catch his breath as he scrambled back so that he wasn’t crushing his companion anymore.

“You okay?” The man’s voice was quiet, and Kain looked up to catch his eyes—blue, almost black with the dim light, the colour of the swirling vortex Kain had been staring into only moments before. There was a soft smile on his face, and the man looked so happy that Kain found himself smiling back, even if it was shaky, even though it felt foreign.

“Yes,” he said, voice hoarse. He cleared his throat, and sat up properly. “I’m fine.”

The man nodded, smile turning into a grin. “I’m glad.”

“Um. Thank you,” Kain said quietly.

The man huffed out a breath and got to his feet, extending a hand. “No worries kid, though maybe we shouldn’t try it again any time soo—”

Abruptly, the man was dragged away, and Kain was staring into the eyes of his father.

“What are you doing?” he snapped. Kain blinked, then fought down the panic that came immediately after at the inference, at being caught with a _man_. He would be in so much trouble for this later, if his father thought—

“What did you do to my son?” His father had now turned to Kain’s rescuer, who was looking mildly irritated as his hands were cuffed behind his back.

“I wasn’t doin’ anythin’, just—”

“Thief!” Something inside Kain released at the accusation—as long as his father didn’t think that he’d actually been with the man for…other reasons, it was something that Kain could deal with.

“I was just tryin’ to _help_ ,” the man finished, exasperated.

“Trying to help,” came the scathing reply. “Helping him part from his possessions?”

“He’s telling the truth, Father,” Kain said hurriedly, getting to his feet. “I was…I was leaning too far out. Wanted to see the propellers.”

The man had gone still now, an odd look in his eye as he regarded Kain. Kain avoided the gaze, and tried to look innocent; he far too aware that his father was now looking between the two of them with suspicion.

Behind him, Kain heard someone sigh—turning, he made out the form of his mother, though it was blurry without his glasses. Still, the way she shook her head was clear, and Kain wondered if he still wouldn’t be in trouble.

“Not very appropriate for a gentleman, is it?” His future father-in-law had been the one to chime in with _that_ comment; that would cement his parents’ embarrassment, and how much trouble he was going to be in later.

“I just…I just wanted to see,” he muttered, but the attention had turned from him now.

“He was just leanin’ out,” the man said, tugging at the cuffs, not that he looked like he expected it to work.

“Yes, he—um…” Kain trailed off, looking at the other man—possibly catching his eye, but right now he couldn’t really tell.

“Jean,” the man supplied helpfully.

“Jean helped me back,” Kain finished.

There was another long moment of silence, but then Kain released the breath he hadn’t been aware that he’d been holding when his father nodded, and there was a quiet click of the cuffs being released.

Jean rubbed his wrists a little. “We all good here then? ‘Cause I’m startin’ to feel the cold a bit,” he said, seemingly unaffected by the way Kain’s father was still glaring at him.

“Let’s get back inside,” his father muttered eventually, turning on his heel, but then he stopped. Kain wondered what was happening—he’d just taken a step to follow—before his father reached inside his pocket for his wallet.

And Kain felt his blood boil when his father produced a single bill, and he was close enough for him to see that the amount was so low that it was _insulting_.

“For your services,” his father said stiffly, holding the note out to Jean, the wind causing it to flutter viciously.

Jean took it after a moment of hesitation, inspecting it. “Thanks,” he said dryly, and he caught Kain’s eye with his own, and Kain _couldn’t_ keep quiet any longer.

“Is that all the heir to the Fuery house is worth?” he murmured. But he made sure it was loud enough for them all to hear.

He almost regretted it—almost—when his father swung his vicious glare to him, but then Kain just squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. They’d been going for years about how he should be stronger, be a man; they couldn’t very well blame him now that he was listening, though perhaps not in entirely the way that they had wanted.

He glanced over at Jean’s direction, and what he saw had the regret washing away immediately: Jean’s hand was raised to his mouth, and he was coughing quite suspiciously, ducking his head. Kain resisted a grin of his own. Now was _not_ the time for laughter, not when his father was practically red in the face. He was still speechless with anger, and the look he shot Kain was pure rage.

It was his mother who spoke instead. “How about he join us for dinner, darling?” she murmured, hand resting on her husband's arm. “That would be appropriate, don’t you think?”

Kain's father was silent for another, long moment, before he nodded stiffly. “It would be a pleasure if you could join us for dinner tomorrow.” He sounded as though he found the thought anything but pleasurable. “A show of our...gratitude.”

“Sure,” Jean said easily, and Kain was still amazed at how immune he was to his father's hostility. “Sounds great to me.”

“We dine at seven. Don't be late. And wear something…appropriate,” he said, eyes raking Jean up and down. And with that, he turned away from Jean, jerking his head in Kain's direction. “We're done here.” His father’s hand shoved insistently between his shoulder blades, pushing him along, and Kain resisted flinching from the contact. “Get back inside,” came the gruff order. “You’re a mess.”

The last comment to Jean had Kain angry enough, again, to want to push his father just a little. So he couldn’t resist turning back to look at Jean with a small smile. “I'll see you later, then?”

Jean’s grin warmed Kain all over. “Lookin' forward to it,” Jean said, and he did actually sound happy about it.

“Young man, we are _leaving_ ,” Kain's father said, almost shoving him.

But Kain glanced over at Jean one last time before he was taken away. A tiny movement caught his eye, and it could've been the flickering of a lamp. He couldn't be sure, what with the darkness and his glasses missing, but he swore that Jean had just winked at him.

No, he couldn't be sure.

But the thought set his heart racing.


End file.
